I like your post under emotional support and your suggestion about trying something new is thoughtful. The emotional part for me is trying something new always deteriorates me into this inner emptiness. For some reason trying something new makes my former intellectual intensity and capacity for involvement gone. It makes me realize my inner life is apart from this ability to think, to feel, and to do. Then I have an ax to grind. It gets really bad when I unable to cry out to anyone from my inner void and the emptiness just puts a distance between me and my environment. This is a hot issue for me and I can feel the water starting to boil.
There should be a catalyst here, just before the water boils, but his emptiness does not give me any meaningful awareness. My water just boils and giving a meaning to this suffering just creates this anxiety and then more rage. It would seem choosing a meaning for my raging experience could create me and this emptiness could be a positive force. And yet I seem to enjoy my burning rage and this intense power it creates. Learning to let go of this wound and my inner deficiency is realizing how I have got caught in my emotional reactions.
I feel the transformation or trying something new is not a concept or a belief, but more of an opening to this creative flow. It feels like being “told” who I am not can be resolved in creativity and for me writing on this site has given me this creative intelligence. My empty brain and turning around and facing it probably has done me the most good to help resolve my rage. This void is extremely hard for me to face and maybe I can discover a new awareness. My intuition is saying choose a meaning for my experience and this could help create me. It seems choosing a meaning could sustain an awareness and being able to give a meaning is both a self who is empty and the one who lets go into a simple awareness. The awareness becomes the moment and then the self is possessed.
I am just working of letting go of my rage and I am working on making my awareness more alive, so the moment becomes more real. The awareness is simply resting and the void does not need to be resolved. And thanks for choosing to be effective and productive, as it helps me choose to live a better life. Also thanks to you and this website for being a powerful, healing force in my world.