Apathy And More Free Time

Hey everyone Happy New Year. :slight_smile:
Anyway onto my topic here.

For a while now I’ve been feeling pretty apathetic, disappointed, and bored with life in general I guess?

I’m used to being angry. Or sad. Or whatever. This is just sort of melancholy borederling disinterest at lifein general?

I have a lot more free time recently I have no idea how to fill.

I finished this huge all summer/part of fall cleaning project.
I spent so much time on. Which is good. But free time I have no idea what to do with.

I broke up with my boyfriend because I realized we didn’t want the same things at all. I actually feel so much better without all that drama and such. But wow relationships take so much time and work. Time I now have to fill. Lol.

I don’t know. I’m not complaining! Trust me. It’s actually really awesome because for the first time in over three years I don’t feel like everyday is a battle for survival as long as I stay in my little box.

That’s…Kind of the problem though. I have more free time. But my list of “you can do this but not that” hasn’t changed at all.

I don’t know how to deal with I now have more free time but still can’t do anything with my life right now, any time soon, probably ever.

I’m not really sure how to explain any of this. It just feels so weird. Okay wierd. It’s not bad really. I’m just not used to it.

I feel like I should get a hobby or something honestly. But I can’t do very much which limits things.

And it’s hard to really bother to try anything because overall it’s like I should be happy with this. So I’m bored and can’t drive or work. It’s fine. I should be grateful everyday isn’t a battle anymore. I should be quiet and be glad about it all. I think the phrase is don’t look a horse in the mouth? Or something. Like don’t complain about good things I think it means.

I’m not sure what I’m asking. Anyone else get what I sort of mean?

Hey Caitlin[quote=“Caitlin, post:1, topic:360”]
Anyone else get what I sort of mean?
[/quote]
Hell yea, that ‘…disinterest in life…’ is a common theme to me. I had a job I enjoyed, I had friends I could socialise with, I had a life. And the familiar word in all this is HAD. This has all evaporated, so now all that’s left is a void filled with melancholy. I try to break my day up with a bit of housework, a bit of online time, a bit of TV. I have a couple of mutts, they need exercise (and so do I lol ) so I take them for walks but the hot weather (35C+) restricts this a bit as the heat knocks me around badly. So, like you I stay within my little box. But they tell me that this isn’t healthy either. HEALTHY?? hell, nor am I. So we learn to manage the best way we can, for ourselves.
I’ve signed up to an online learning course and when I’m able, I do a bit, I’ve completed a couple of courses. But what should take a couple of weeks to complete has taken a couple of months. I used to be very active and get so very frustrated with myself and the world around me that this simply is no longer possible. As I’ve said before I hate the idea of acceptance of my situation but the reality of all of this is that I/we have no @#$%$& choice but to manage the best way we can. This is something I did not want to get used to, but again I/we have no @#$%$& choice. Frustration with life has become ‘normal’ (if you can call it ‘normal’).

So yea, I fully comprehend and understand what you are talking about.
Merl

Caitlin,

It appears to me you are expressing how you do not experience any purpose in your life. Work for me provided a purpose and now with my body half dead, life is a disappointment, sometimes anger and resentment. It seems like, for me, it is finding this quiet and this satisfaction just in the ordinary. Yea, naturally my mind has unrealistic expectations, God gets the finger (literally), and then I need to make a lifestyle out of my inner deficiency.

Because I need to learn to be quiet, which I do not fully grasp, is learning to be in clear contact with my immediate experience, a quiet satisfaction in the moment, like a refreshing breeze. It appears this immediate experience is real close to just having this awareness. This quality of awareness in any experience can give satisfying quality. The pleasure becomes the journey. However, awareness to me just feels like a place to begin, to begin, to begin. I naturally I expect more. “Consider the lilies in the field — they neither toil nor spin” maybe after all is the essential good in life.

And thank you for being resilient in the face setbacks.

Did you ever consider writing children books, humor and special achievement which affirms life for children? You appear to have a richness and wonder which can paradoxically offer meaning to life.

Hugs. Thank you for the reply. Exactly. I used to and still sometimes feel frustrated. That’s how I spend my days too honestly. If only I could walk my rabbit XD I feel less frustrated overallmostlyjust tired.

I like the lilies quote :slight_smile: thank you. I needed someone to thank me for my resilience I didn’t know I did but that means lot.

Kids books… Hmm. I haven’t every seriously considered that I’m not sure we’re I would even start. Thank you. I actually don’t view myself that way at all but I tend to be hard on myself.Hugs. thank you!

Thank both of you for the advice :slight_smile:

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You are going through withdrawl from the boyfriend plus having to deal with your TBI. Best thing is for you to find more to do. I am in the same boat. My four wheel drive is still at the shop and I have so much snow ger I am noit motivated to get into my own shop to work on one of my cars cuz what is the rush since because of the snow I cant get the truck that I also need to work on inside the shop. Fortunately I have inside stuff to get done so I just worn on my list of inside stuff.

I often feel a lot of anger and frustration with my limitations… So it’s really good to like practice a gratitude Journal where you write everything you’re grateful for every day… That helps me… But also I’m just really thinking about what my body needs and what it can handle… So I have little goals like finishing art for my children’s book when my body and eyes and carpal tunnel hands don’t hurt too much… Or if I can’t do that I’ll try to do a little easy exercise like a walk through the hallway of my apartment complex tried chatting with a neighbor that we usually understand each other and we have a lot in common… Just the little things to try to find the little things you can handle and enjoy. And don’t be afraid to put yourself a tiny bit at a time, you’ll find that you’re able to do kind of new things and it can feel really good… Like I’m lucky enough to be right across the street from the college so I’m taking a class there once a week and it feels good :slight_smile: