I have been contemplating an answer/response for a few hours and still I am a little unsure how to write this, so in the first instance I want to say that the information I write from here on in is written with respect and not judgement. Some of the questions may seem insensitive, that is NOT my intent. Domestic situations can be difficult for anybody, but to adding a brain injury to it can be a mine field, especially for you. So please DO NOT take any of my statements as insulting, belittling or degrading. Although I do not know you personally I do have some knowledge around your situation which may be of assistance.
OK, that said, here it is:
A large part of a relationship is understanding, comprehension of the other persons abilities and weaknesses. Part of that is an acceptance of the others shortcomings and believe me, we ALL have shortcomings. That includes people without brain injuries.
I understand that you consider this person “a special guy” can I ask why?
What makes him special to you?
I know the pressures that can arise for you as a person with a brain injury, but every injury is different. For example a large part of my impairment is memory, my memory used to be fantastic. That’s gone. when I get stressed, whether that’s tired or emotional stress, I seem to lose words, then get frustrated because I can’t express myself the way I want. Physically I used to be able to go at life full on, everyday, but now my stamina is shot. Some days I might get 8hrs done, other days I’m lucky to get 2hrs clear and this adds to my frustration.
How do you see your injury affecting you?
It can take (Excuse me for saying this) a hell of a lot for others outside of the brain injury experience to EVER fully understand a brain injury. It’s often hard enough for us to learn and manage our predicament, so for others outside it’s near on impossible. Some people think a BI is like a broken bone that heals in 8 weeks. But our injuries just don’t, some symptoms fluctuate from hour to hour, this can be difficult to grasp. We don’t have a ‘set’ group of symptoms. I’m never sure what symptoms, other than a headache, I’m definitely going to have. I can be fine in the morning, leave home drive for an hour, then become symptomatic, unable to drive myself home and some people just don’t understand why. I can be in a meeting and lose track of my thoughts, my speech, my language etc trying to explain it to anyone logically is impossible. I have even been accused of being under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Have you ever sat down with him and had a genuine conversation with him on just how your injury affects you? And to add to that conversation, how his negative judgement affects you.
He may not be aware of the impact on you. He may need to be informed. Being a male myself I can be a little pigheaded and not see things right in front of me, things that others may seem obvious and sometimes I need to be told, gently.
Look, I’m going to leave these questions with you. I do hope, pray, beg that you can look at these questions in a constructive way, they are by no means asked as a criticism, but more thought provoking. I’m here fairly regularly so if you want to correspond, please do. You could send me a msg if you wish.
I do hope you find some idea of peace either with or without this person.