Had to be kinder to heal

I used to be so overwhelmed buy pain in my nerves because of neighbors making noise, that I would knock on their door and ask for help, or I would yell love thy neighbor when they slammed the door, or I would write a note begging for help getting the quiet I needed at certain hours; and bless them they did change their schedule a little bit but they just couldn’t only accommodate me because they’re trying to help their whole entire family in need with little children and elderly…
So one night at 3 in the morning when I was woken by the loud water pump and intense flow of water that might be hooked up to a washing machine they have? I don’t know, I rode my bike to Walmart a mile away which I can only do about twice a year nowadays, it takes me so long to build up the energy to do it or recover from it , but it was worth it because I found a new kind of ear plug a silicone one, that rests over my ear instead of putting pressure inside of it like the foam ear plugs which were causing pain and I couldn’t sleep in them: and I gained my own ability to sleep through noise. :grin:

I also used to only try to talk my mom into changing how she talked to me and when and complaining about my childhood just too much, it was hurting her feelings and she’s getting old, and I had to journal about things more and tell her less and consider her feelings, and I also had to get a cognitive behavioral therapist
And now I’m able to get my difficult feelings out in a way that doesn’t hurt someone else’s feelings :green_heart:

I was only thinking of myself, which can be understood because of how much I was suffering and confused, but I was never getting what I needed no matter how hard I tried! So I vowed to change, after sitting and thinking about it at night before I went to sleep, I thought about my day and the difficulties I had and the successes I had, and I realized how I was hurting people’s feelings and being a little unfair because they just didn’t know how to help me better and they just didn’t have time or energy to. So at every moment when I am strong enough, I research how I could get better and be stronger by myself and not only ask other people to do things for me or get angry or upset that they just didn’t already know how to help me or work harder to help me

I’m also slowing down more and more often, and controlling my emotions and that is helping so much :slight_smile:

I’m no longer getting impatient or angry whenever I can’t do something fast enough, or get what I need immediately; instead, I’m stopping and taking a deep breath, and slowing my thoughts to just one at a time. I just concentrate on that thoughts until I feel the right thing to do comfortably. This drastically reduces my pain. :blush:

My research and practicing what I’ve learned to help myself get stronger by myself, has helped me feel happier because I’m more often able to socialize or go out in public even if just a few minutes a month- it’s rewarding when I earn it :smiley:
Nothing else was helping me! so I had to learn to help myself- but it feels better than ever! cuz then I’m able to help others more and not hurt :frowning: others by sounding scary angry or whiny when they’re too weak to handle it, all vibration matters. even though they’re not disabled, other people have feelings that matter too <3


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Thank you for your writing and your spirit of hope within it, even with all your exhaustion and what may feel as alienation from the whole of life. Your hope communicates a flow, a creative dance, and what is touching about your spirit is you appear to embrace life without being storm-tossed by every feeling. Your hope appears to allow you to be touched by every experience and not lost or swept away by emotional reactions. I just want you to know I needed your creative flow, as I need to learn to rest in hope, as you appear to be doing, without my expectations getting in the way. I also want you to know your hope is something worthwhile and valuable.

Maybe you learned this flow and creative dance from Hawaii and I am just touched in the good and beautiful you bring to the world ---- HOPE. What a gift, simply and genuinely from within you.

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