Help Please With Change?

I have difficulties with making changes in my life. It is not that I dont want to but the process to go through in my brain depleates me if that makes sence to you reading.

I currently go to therapy, not long back from a session there at 5pm for an hour. I have these opportunities but then revert back to the life that doesn’t make me happy. It is difficult moving forward and think I am too far gone in life.

Has any one felt stuck in life and got unstuck happy?. This is my 5th year.

Or how can i get thinking to get though this?.Any advice appreciated.

With change for some reason I think bad things will happen to me if did. Goodness knows where this came from like an event in my life cant think of one.

Or maybe i have to dig further back in my life like teens etc to try to figure this out. Please any one else struggle with similar?.

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Hi Danielle. I think I know what you are talking about. We get comfortable somewhat with the way things are…even if we are not happy, we do know what to expect.
When I do make changes, I do it a little bit at a time if possible.
I think we can get so worried over doing the wrong thing, that it kind of seems like we get paralyzed, or I do anyway, and put off doing things I know will be good for me in the long run.
I would slowly try to take advantage of the opportunities that you speak of. You aren’t too far gone in life. Life is full of 2nd chances. Sometimes we just need a gentle push… someone to give us some encouragement.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

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Hey Danielle, Change can be very hard for ‘normal’ people, add a brain injury and it simply becomes overwhelming. My initial surgery was back in 1996 and I pushed hard to get back into life. It wasn’t easy, but eventually I got back into life. Then in 2013 the proverbial really hit the fan and I ended up having 3 brain surgeries in that year. Since then I’ve tried, tried and even tried some more to push myself along, only to have my body push back telling me I simply can’t do what I used to be able to. This frustrates the daylights out of me.
For some people returning to life can be a simple process and initially for me it was too, but now, no matter how hard I push I simply can’t. The dr’s, well, they have operated, they have fixed in their view. But this is far, far from fixed. They say it’s all psychological “Ohh, it’s nothing we have done. it must be YOU…” Simply blame the patient, it’s easier than investigating. And now I feel stuck. It’s as if I choose to be here. Who would choose this? Certainly not me. I’ve tried to change what I do, how I do it, when I do it and still I seem to overload. In my former job I worked with people with disabilities. I would need to work around my clients abilities so they could achieve a desired goal. Adjust the goal, adjust the method to reach an outcome and yet I try to do exactly the same thing for myself and fail.
So please, do not feel that you are alone in this battle, as I can assure you, you are not the only one. I have found that lists can help, making a list of tasks I would like to complete, then marking them off as I get them done. I used to try and get them all done in a day, then wonder why the following day I was absolutely burnt out. So I now choose one task and try to complete that one thing for the day. Having a list has stopped me (or at least reduced) me falling back into a ‘poor me’ mentality. I may not be able to do as before, but at least I did something and I achieved ‘X’, even if ‘X’ is small at least I achieved something. I can easily beat myself up for what I haven’t achieved or be happy that I have achieved something.

Thank you for the advice, slowly things are brightening up after a long hauel of stress.

I see my therapist tomorrow, things are looking good after finding certain pappers. I am starting to go through changes. One at a time is uncomfortable but must be for the best?. I listened to my thoughts to long and never achieved. :frowning:


Change is difficult because it does feel unpredictable. Change for me was complex and exhausting, which also made me stop trying to make contact with people. Because I feared change I became reclusive, burying myself ever more completely in my work and my ideas. My mind became complex, which then caused new and more complicated problems. Nothing was clear or certain, thus my anxiety increased. Because of my anxiety I sought order and in my mind if could not perceive any order I imposed my own. I became a reductionist, extremism, and thought became extreme interpretations.

What I had to learn to deal with change is simply master my mind rather than mastering the world of change. I try to no longer just identify with thought and the fears around my thought. It seems to me dealing with change is just realizing absolute certitude is an illusion. It cannot be achieved. Thus, I have had to learn courage to put my ideas on the line and even myself on the line. Gradually this courage has help me to release my fears of feeling powerless and fears of being overwhelmed by the outside. I now try to use thought in simple ways and with more practical value.

I suggest you learn to be courageous in all circumstance, fearlessness, and I believe you will find the inner strength you are searching for within change. I am also pleased you are seeing a counselor, as this is courageous.

I am working on the fear of change still you and others give good advice. I will go for it and see taking one day at a time. :slight_smile:

Thank you.

Ok here is an update…

I am starting to go through the change and am anxious being more depressed. But know deep down this is for the best. It is now or never situation.

I’m planning still for the change but it hit me hard today. :frowning: I got so upset had to stop functioning and stall sill on my bed crying. Until it paseed

I get pannick attacks more too. Oh god i need some comfort.


I’m so sorry you are going thru such turmoil. I hope things are getting better for you.

Hey Danielle, you say

And I think we all do. I need variety to break my day up so I don’t fall into a cycle of panic/depression/self blame/guilt. If I sit here on the computer all day I get into that cycle. So I break it up with a bit of housework, a bit of yard work, a bit of TV and a few other little tasks. I won’t say it gives me comfort, but it prevents me (or at least slows me down)from falling into a pit of self loathing. Just the simple change of occupying my mind elsewhere seems to break up my incessant negative mind chatter/thoughts.

Has any one felt stuck in life and got unstuck happy?

Yea definitely. All of my non-TBI survivor friends always tell me “Come on Occipital: that is how it is for everybody”. That used to make me irritated and angry but now for some reason I like it. For me it keeps a bigger picture in place that we all have challenges. TBI people definitely have more and different ones, yet somehow this helps me knowing that in some ways I am “just like everyone else”. Yea, I like that part.

Or how can i get thinking to get though this?

Less thinking. When I think my mind just causes to many problems. My mind is out of control with fear. Thought is part of our life don’t get me wrong it is just that when I think without doing it always ends well. The challenge is what “to do” especially if you have restrictions. I am still working on that but I can go on walks and that is helpful.

With change for some reason I think bad things will happen to me if did.

I got a TBI because of something that nobody can explain. There is no reason and no logic to the whole thing. It can scare the heck out of me sometimes. It makes me dream of a place where nothing every changes, not a single spec of dust changes. It is forever locked in time where it is safe and pleasant and doesn’t have this scary TBI stuff happen without any logical or illogical reason. In my case I am happy with not doing anything or leaving the house :).

Please any one else struggle with similar?


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Thank you for your thorough answer.

It is nice to not be on my own throughout I had no contact with others in a similar situation to myself for years.

Hey Danielle,
As Occipital says the lack of understanding by non TBI survivors is massive. Even members of the medical fraternity have a minimal grasp of the reality of living with a TBI. I attended a Pain Management Clinic and for people with muscular/skeletal pain their service would be of benefit, but for us our pain is not so easily defined. As I have stated previously "When you hurt your arm it affects your arm, you can compensate by using it less or using your other arm. When it’s your brain it affects EVERYTHING and here is no way to be able to compensate, which simply makes the frustration all that much worse.
I fully comprehend that feeling of isolation and this is partially why I am here. We all need that understanding from others who have been there and here you will find exactly that, not people who have knowledge solely from a book/study but people who have that first hand experience. And here is where you can find it.

Hi everyone, I hope you’re well. I’d like to share a YouTube video I made because it’s just easier for me to talk for a long time sometimes than it is to type. And I think what I say will be helpful for you, I talk about my brain injury and what helps and how it can be confusing and how I overcome it

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It is a very good video. :slight_smile:

I’m glad you think so Danielle :slight_smile: and here’s another video about my journey with medicine and how I learned to take less of it and then I needed to learn to take a tiny bit of it still sometimes because a lot of what a brain injury is is just really learning how to survive. Things we need like sleep to eat to take medicine.
It’s all a balance

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Hi again everyone bless you all, I feel very exhausted after lack of sleep. I still pushed myself through doing what was needed plus fitting my daily walk in.

I have got two more things left on my list the time here is 16.40 so will have a nap. I am prone to making mistakes when very tired.

Leading on to the reason for posting?. It is another change moving home renting a room to save money plus my present place is too big just for me using up my cognitive energy up very fast stressing me out. I move home on Saturday, feeling nervous a little and very excited. Currently due to being tired feel so so but am happy.
I would like to ask if anyone has got some advice?.

I want to live with minimal belongings, I believe it will free up space in my brain. (Honestly) I am thankful that here is a welcome understanding forum. You are all awesome.

All the best.


Hey Danielle, I wanted to tell you that though it has died off from time to time, i still have that feeling that you speak of. Some of my friends are getting married and living fulfilling lives that they had always dreamed and in turn that re-introduced that demon called jealousy into my train of thought. I am now going on 6 years of recovery and to this day I wish from time to time that I could rewind and take more initiative and have myself on that same path that most of my peers are. The truth of the matter, and it still is a struggle for me to come to terms with this, is that the best thing for us injured individuals to do is not focus on how long it is taking but rather on what we have already accomplished and use that to drive forward.

Some of us may be called different, or “special” but as the mad hatter said to Alice, "You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”


I agree about what you have said, most of the time it means to show gratitude.Recently I have been doing things even if I am not that motivated.

Thanks for advising.