My response is to the following from what you wrote, “I always thought throughout the years that there was some thing better out there than my current circumstances. How can I remove this false belief?. I believe this is the cause of my suffering.” There appears to be tremendous insight/awareness from you with these words. Suffering, for me, can be from being “told” who I am not, emotional torment, consuming self-hatred, depression, alienation, unrealistic expectations, self-sabotaging thoughts, anger and aggression. For me, when I identify with my woundedness to much or I dwell on my sense of inner deficiency I can make a lifestyle out of this suffering. This belief gets me caught in emotional reactions and then more beliefs about my deficiency. I construct my identity out of it. This makes me feel like an outsider, never belong anywhere, and I can even make stories up about this belief. The result is emotional storminess and reactivity.
For me I have had to find this place where my emotions are balanced. I have had to find this place where I am affected by my experiences but not swept away by them. This takes a certain amount of compassion to connect to the truth and allow this to be my support in what feels unfulfilling. This truth seems to open the heart, feel more natural and more expansive as a human being. My heart is better able to embrace life without being “storm tossed” by every feeling.
For me it has been learning to balance my emotions and not get “storm tossed” by my emotions. I have had to learn to move from a state of consciousness to a stage of consciousness. This stage feels empty or like a feeling of nothingness, no value. Yet, when I can hold my emotions balanced the stage of consciousness is like participating in humming or singing. The stage allows this opening to impressions from the environment without self-consciousness. The raw material of life or the boring material of life becomes this work of art. The stage allows experiences to be transformed into beauty and life becomes something higher.
For me to move into this stage of consciousness has been lots of letting go of the damage of my past. It has been learning to use all my experiences to grow. The stage is starting to offer acts of kindness rather than my desire to antagonize people and ruin their peace of mind. Also this stage of consciousness is hard to describe, like a center of gravity and it is a higher consciousness, yet it is not the same thing as living in it. Everything just holds its place.
This stage of consciousness is a meaning beyond, is acceptance, serenity, courage, truthfulness, equanimity, sobriety, and non-attachment. It feels like one enormous creative dance, everything holds its place, and the dance becomes this flow. This is to say there is quality in your words and appears to be something more for our growth as human beings.
Your presence is significant.