Newish member story and questions

Hi my name is Laura and I am 18 years old. In October of 2015 I was walking home and was struck by a drunk driver who then fled the scene. On my way to the hospital I became comatose and I was legally pronounced dead 3 times. They were obviously able to bring me back however I was than in the hospital until December of 2015 and in a coma until November 2015. My injury is to my right frontal lobe causing a lot of emotional issues on top of the mental illnesses I already had prior to the accident. Now almost a year and a half later I am still struggling to find my new “normal”. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and MST of the too
Time I just want to give up.

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Welcome here, Laura. We’re glad that you found us, but we’re also very sorry that you are a member of the TBI club. This is a great place to share and unload: the people here know what you are going through because they’ve been there themselves. As you get to know them, you will provide strength to them the same way that they will to you.

Hang in there, and hang out here. We’re glad you joined, and we hope that you will be too.

Seenie from ModSupport

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Hey Laura,
That “…struggling to find my new “normal”…”. Is (for want of another word) ‘normal’. There is no magic flash or trick to finding it. One of my biggest battles has been ‘acceptance’. I had a life, I had plans for the future. Now that’s all gone. I fought against this new reality, I hate it. I got down, real down on everything, everybody. I couldn’t blame anybody for my situation, so I blamed me and beat myself up over it all.
So, my last major incident/surgery was in '13, I wouldn’t say I ‘fully’ accept my situation, actually not at all, BUT, I have come to accept that there is bugger all I can do about it. I have tried to push myself through it, that hasn’t worked. In fact it has made things worse. I have tried to ignore it, that hasn’t worked either. Bashing myself to find this new normal has caused more mental anguish than I ever thought possible, so that hasn’t worked either.
Now I just ‘try’ to get on with it. What is ‘it’? for me ‘it’ is my day. I ‘try’(not always successfully) to break my day up with small tasks. Things I can achieve. I still get frustrated when I try and fail, I think that’s part of being human. But I find if I keep looking backward at what I used to be able to do, I fall over the small things right in front of me. The fact of the matter is that the BI has changed me, like it or not and I don’t like it at all. But as much as I try to change this reality, it’s still here, it won’t change and all I can do is manage within the limits I have, within the reality of where I am, here, now, today. I HATE IT, but I have proven to myself I have sweet bugger all choice in the matter and maybe that’s part of my ‘acceptance’.
Believe me when I say “None of us are here by our own choice” No one would willingly choose this. But years ago I worked with people with disabilities and saw some of the worst case scenarios and as bad as things are they could be a HELL of a lot worse. I found that for people who were born disabled, they were more accepting of their situation because they knew of no other reality, where as for us, who were ‘normal’(not that I was ever what you’d call ‘Normal’ :laughing: ) the acceptance of our situations is a massive battle. Just know that you are not alone and are not the only one bashing your head against that brick wall of life. We understand and not from a book but from our own reality.
Come talk to Us.

Merl

So sorry to hear about your accident…I have frontal lob issues myself…Its a silly and sometime tacky statement, but I try to live by it…" Just one day at a time"…There will still be good days and bad ones, but keep things simple and in time you will find what works, and what to keep away from…It took me many years just to learn and coup…There are so many things that I will never do, but over ten years I have done things I would never have tried(yoga,meditation,chanting)…
Hang in there you are umungst friends here!..So when you hear one of us say…“yea we get it” or “I understand” we are reaching out just as much to you…The brutal days pass by eventually, then hopefully you find some peace and acceptance.
I would never say it is easy, but when you have a place to vent it sure does help in the short term and the long term!

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Hi. Welcome. I also have trouble. I want to do things I used to do. For me, the BEST things you can do are practical. I do not know where you live, but some countries allow disability funds. Are you on Disability? The worst part for me is knowing that I may not have enough as my caretakers get older. I am not able to work and as I age, it gets worse for me. My emotions are all over the place with outbursts, etc, like a rabid dog that sometimes feels like I should be out down. I did look into Dr assisted Suicide, but backed down because I still have fmaily who loves me.

If you are disabled do not waste time. You are young enough to start a fund NOW. Do not wait because life goes on and other things happen. I have had two head inuries, serious and several concussions.

Don’t give up because you are young. Science is on your side. Take fish oil, work out, do all you can to recover and start a fund. Come on here a lot and learn and please POST your victories to encouage others, no matter how large or small.

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Laura,

Thank you for being honest about wanting to give up at times and even being direct with your words. This feeling of wanting to give up could be from depression and despair or even this feeling something is missing inside. Brain injury people can experience inner deficiency and yet not sure what it is. The direct awareness can create emotional reactions and for me I can over identify with my woundedness. I then make a lifestyle out of my suffering. I have had to learn to balance my emotions, so I do not get caught into hopelessness and despair.

Because you are young, I want to challenge you to be touched and affected by your experiences, even in profound ways, without feeling lost or swept away by emotional reactions. Compassionately connect with your truth and allow this to be your support for you. See if your compassion from your heart can help you remain present, even to potentially painful experiences and realizations. This compassion may help to balance your emotions and will help you feel tremendous support. This center from your heart may help you to embrace life without feeling “storm-tossed” by every feeling of being lost.

I realize your brain injury is a negative experience, but I truly believe you have the ability to make this positive, to find a peace, and be able to transform this experience into something worthwhile and valuable. I realize this is lots of raw material and yet I want to challenge you to break this mode of being “told” who you are not and become this life-enhancing individual you are. Maybe begin by noticing when you become conscious of yourself and you lose your spontaneous quality of inspiration (life). You may feel out of place and feeling there is no place to hide, so I suggest you simply let go. This letting go may cause you to feel lots of fear, yet remind yourself you are living in compassion and you are bringing the richness of subjective world to the light of day.

You appear to manifest a tremendous creative intelligence, so bring this to life with your compassion for yourself. I also believe your compassion will allow you to be a natural human being, “normal”, who will feel expansive and openness in your heart for yourself.

I truly believe in you Laura and your presence is significant.

Hugs. I’ve wanted to give up too. I’m younger as well and I sit here like I didn’t even get to start my life but now I have to live my life like this and…it’s not living it’s not a life like it should be. I spent so long taking it one day at a time. I still do.
The best advice I’ve heard is these things happen to people. It sounds stupid. But it made me feel like it’s not my fault.

Your going to grieve. Your going to be very angry for a very long time. Your going to be sad for a very long time. Your going to want to give up. Don’t give up all the way. I’ve given up trying and caring about a lot of things. I’ve given up getting normal back. But I’m still here so I haven’t given up all the way. It’s going to be hard. But your strong even when you feel weak as long as you are still here. I have bad days still after 4 years. I have bad weeks. But if I’m still here you can do it. Hugs.
I’m sorry I know my advice isn’t much help. There aren’t really words you can say to make things better.
It will get easier. You’ll start to forget before as being normal and view how things are as just…how it is. But it take so very very very long. Hugs.

tbi thoughts

important reading here. i was apparently knocked off my bike on i40 @ eubank. came to in trauma, unm. between unm and the va it was difficult to figure what had happened to me, you know… me, the one that’s is missing. so i’m getting on after a couple years and acceptance is my only key as well as recognizing that i am one of the fortunate. its still different, emotions are sometimes off the hook and it takes days to get straight. memory hides in the midst of conversation, so i apologize. and there is often a loud silence. something is still missing, the silence is what is left. quiet, sometimes empty. acceptance, i can do this. sometimes because my injuries are not so bad as many i sense dismissal of sorts. i appear pretty much the same but i am not. i feel alone when i am alone… never used to. the internal conversation is slow and as i’ve said, some of the players seemed to have left. every day something i don’t remember is gone and i know it.

Don’t give up,mdear one! You will find your emotional balance! We have a very similar​ story! Things that helped me, are e.f.t.

Also, Writing mantras, like goals but writing it in a way that is present moment, you’ve already changed for the better :laughing: this connects neurons immediately (for me!, You too maybe! Try, or you’ll never know!):green_heart:

So example of mantra is, "I am safe"
Or, “I am grateful”

Also, keepingA grattitude journal, where I wrote everything I could think of I was grateful for, helped me a LOT! :grin:
Example is, “I’m grateful I can walk. I’m grateful I have enough food, I’m grateful I have a good doctor, I’m grateful I talked to that nice lady today” :blush:

:green_heart:

Your health insurance should pay for enough of your caretakers so that youncan afford everything else you need

Plus,msaving up for later will lower your ssi payments…after you reach a limit, like after you have $2000 in your bank account, you will get your SSI

Hi Laura. Nice to you meet. Thank you for sharing your story. When you feel while try reading some posts. Even post yourself, this is a nice place with nice people. A lot of stuff we have all gone through. For the stuff that is unique to us and only us, we will still be there for each other. Be well and have a great day and see you around.

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