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Traumatic Brain Injury

No one in society Understands Me. :(

#1

It feels like I have been away for a long time considering, I am on a down hill path. All what I was doing has stopped except from the studying. :frowning:

The depression has taken over, feeling at my worse, it is obvious that my bf doesn’t make it easy. And there I was thinking that I found my dream man at the beginning last year. Other than that I interpret the world differently to everyone else in society. I pick up things the wrong way getting narkey. I hardly want to go out nowadays and feel that my life is over at the age of 33.

Why oh why can I not meet some one in my life who understands me?. Online is great. I always believed I was cursed and this proves it, sorry to dampen others mood.

Just to let others know that we need to keep trying. I wish I could do when there is nothing left to try or knowing what to try. I was never good at problem solving.

Well he has an active fun life while I have a rubbish existence. I had my chance of life it hasn’t been OK for years so it isn’t going to be all of a sudden.

So now the question is do I admit defeat? and just wait for my fate. I tried and failed even he hates me, I am so awful.

Thanks for reading.

#2

Hi Danielle.

That sounds totally horrible. I am sorry for that.

You are a wonderful, delightful, and kind person. What else do you really need to know about yourself? That little voice saying anything else about you is a total total liar: banish it.

How can we help? You can obviously message people privately, too.

Admitting defeat just means that there might be a better way to do something, because this way sucks. So maybe when the time is right we will figure out what is that better way. Usually it is pretty irritating and it makes us mad and upset, but, it is a way forward. At least that is how it is for me lol.

Very soon things are going to be better than you can imagine right now.

Thank you for being here and reaching out: we are all in this together and we can go through the worst most awkward unpleasant time together and they will be a little less bad. Sometimes that little bit is just right.

#3

Hi I know excatly how u feel.i have surround Ed myself with others with tbi.my family disowed me so I have a new family I created at the advice of my case manager.you will b ok,

#4

Hey Danielle,

Some people have a bit of an expectation that things will return to ‘normal’ (What ever the hell ‘Normal’ is), but we have to manage our ‘new normal’. I have found that others don’t always comprehend this. In a way, they have the idea that they’ll put up with our changes for a while. Then have an expectation that we will bend to their way later. The problem I have found is that those changes can be forever and some people are less willing to accept - Forever.
As I’ve said on here before, we are not in this predicament by choice, we have not had the choice of the ‘New Normal’ or the ‘New me’, we have had to adapt within ourselves and like it or not, we have to live with the ‘New me’. You, Danielle, deserve someone who loves, respects and accepts the ‘new me’ too. The changes that you have gone through have been huge, to be having a relationship where the expectations are for you to change again, that is a massive undertaking.

“Do I admit defeat?” Defeat is not, IS NOT, the way to be looking at it, at all. Our lives changed irrevocably in that instant of our injury. Would we change that? OF COURSE WE WOULD. We ALL would, but the reality of it all is we can’t. If an individual cannot accept us for who we are, now, then there is a problem and the problem is not you.
It is much better to be looking at where you have come from immediately after your injury until now. That journey has been filled with battles and successes, that journey takes strength. After such trauma we all perceive the world differently post injury. It is only the people who have been there who can ever comprehend the reality of it all. Others may have a level of understanding, but they simply cannot see things from your view and that can be difficult to accept for all involved. Personally I have found this has required a bit of give an take from EVERYBODY. Not just me, and not just them, but everybody. If the person you are with is not willing to make those adjustments and to accept those changes… ….then that is the question.

These questions are not easy, but these questions DO NOT make you an awful person. A relationship is a 2-way street, a bit of give an take from both sides, especially in times of need, support for each other, that is a relationship. Now is your time of need. That does not make you an awful person.

We are all here for you if you need, so please don’t be a stranger, come talk to us.

Merl

1 Like
#5

Thank you Occipital for your encouragement and when upset I cannot think logical for some reason.

#6

Thank you Fred can I ask how you cope please?, apologies about your situation.

#7

Well I don’t put up with anyone telling me I’m weird.i used to work in nuclear power generation,so I was ok once.i pick friends that don’t whine and complain about me,or I dump them it’s kinda mean but it’s my way of coping.i have 8 brain injury,accidents,etc.so if i can make it you can.i only date other TBI people.i get seizures do you?

#8

Sorry Fred about your experience I will keep trying.

#9

Hi Fred again I get seizures too and think that stress doesn’t help. Recently it happened in public which was embarrassing. I might as well post here about like today. I have been studying and feel very exhausted well down. I know my bf isn’t 100% but neither am I in fact he has been the best for me ever in my life. Maybe I am misreading between the lines? Yet it seems so real.

I am in bed trying to get over my depression hoping it will help me talking with you all.

I honestly feel cursed at the best of times Thinking about it this doesn’t sound true but it feels like it. Do any others feel like life isn’t fair?. I will need to work on joining Tbi groups like Headway just to feel like I can be understood and respected because we have similarities.

#10

Awww don’t b sad get a puppy that’s what I did.how long ago was injury? It takes time to adjust ,make new friends,be honest I am about injury.i promise it will get better,puppy’s help lol

#11

Yes. It can elaborate on it but yet, sure I do. Lots of us do. And there are millions of us that feel that way. Sometimes I feel like admitting it gave me some breathing room, if that makes sense. Instead of having to pretend that… pretend that it was fair, it was easier to just admit it and then, well, do whatever I was going to do next.

Danielle respect isn’t earned, it is given. If people don’t give you respect then it says something about them, not you. It costs zero to give respect, so they are misers, and all misers are miserable.

3 Likes
#12

:sparkling_heart:I I know how you feel, it is so frustrating that people do not know what it’s like to have a brain injury and it’s like they never believe you or they just don’t know things that seem like they should be obvious!
what has helped me with this, is role-playing a lot alone where I live, whenever I worried about a scenario where someone just has a stressful reaction to me… And I will think of a way to explain why I am the way I am, or just something polite to say to get away before I have a panic attack, things like that.
Like the most recent example, is that sometimes an autistic Guy where I live would come out of his door and block the hallway and get in my face and not get out of the way so I could get through, and I would have an uncontrollable panic attack and I hated that! Even though I can’t help it I still feel really bad when I’m screaming. So I would replay seeing that guy in the hallway in my head, when I was feeling strong and I would just envision myself either walking back to my apartment and staying there until he went away, or just walking past him if I could get through. This has helped, the next time I ran into him I was able to successfully go back to my apartment.

But most of all when my brain gets too tired to speak clearly, I have learned to say, I have a brain injury. Because I’m too tired to think of a more appropriate response just someone asking if I’m okay or too tired or whatever, and that has worked very well.

but most of all, usually with the help of some dark chocolate or kombucha to help my brain work faster for a little while, I practice speaking very clearly about how I just do not have enough energy to do what others without a brain injury can do. I most of all need quiet alone time in the dark to rest if I have an episode where I am too tired to move…
I make sure people know my needs before I visit them on my own.
but most of all I had to learn what my physical needs are so that I have enough energy to pursue any interests that make me happy, like in a post I just made I mentioned second life and vrchat, socializing on those things really has helped me find a couple good friends that it just feels really good to talk to and feel like I’m near with the help of graphics on the computer.
And I can virtually explore new worlds and actually enjoy it, not like when I have to go somewhere in real life and it exhausts me and is terribly painful and scary if I have to go somewhere in person.
just be aware that unfortunately we have to live differently because of our brain injury, we have to let go of society’s standards of what’s normal unacceptable, and our own standards, and adapt to find a new way that meets our needs and help spring-harmony :slight_smile:
don’t give up, it’s a long process to perfect this, but I promise that as long as you make that your intention, you will get better and better at finding a way to get your needs met. Your social needs, your health needs both physical and mental, fun needs, giving back to society needs, whatever you might have :slight_smile:

#13

:sparkling_heart:I I know how you feel, it is so frustrating that people do not know what it’s like to have a brain injury and it’s like they never believe you or they just don’t know things that seem like they should be obvious!
what has helped me with this, is role-playing a lot alone where I live, whenever I worried about a scenario where someone just has a stressful reaction to me… And I will think of a way to explain why I am the way I am, or just something polite to say to get away before I have a panic attack, things like that.
Like the most recent example, is that sometimes an autistic Guy where I live would come out of his door and block the hallway and get in my face and not get out of the way so I could get through, and I would have an uncontrollable panic attack and I hated that! Even though I can’t help it I still feel really bad when I’m screaming. So I would replay seeing that guy in the hallway in my head, when I was feeling strong and I would just envision myself either walking back to my apartment and staying there until he went away, or just walking past him if I could get through. This has helped, the next time I ran into him I was able to successfully go back to my apartment.

But most of all when my brain gets too tired to speak clearly, I have learned to say, I have a brain injury. Because I’m too tired to think of a more appropriate response just someone asking if I’m okay or too tired or whatever, and that has worked very well.

but most of all, usually with the help of some dark chocolate or kombucha to help my brain work faster for a little while, I practice speaking very clearly about how I just do not have enough energy to do what others without a brain injury can do. I most of all need quiet alone time in the dark to rest if I have an episode where I am too tired to move…
I make sure people know my needs before I visit them on my own.
but most of all I had to learn what my physical needs are so that I have enough energy to pursue any interests that make me happy, like in a post I just made I mentioned second life and vrchat, socializing on those things really has helped me find a couple good friends that it just feels really good to talk to and feel like I’m near with the help of graphics on the computer.
And I can virtually explore new worlds and actually enjoy it, not like when I have to go somewhere in real life and it exhausts me and is terribly painful and scary if I have to go somewhere in person.
just be aware that unfortunately we have to live differently because of our brain injury, we have to let go of society’s standards of what’s normal unacceptable, and our own standards, and adapt to find a new way that meets our needs and help spring-harmony :slight_smile:
don’t give up, it’s a long process to perfect this, but I promise that as long as you make that your intention, you will get better and better at finding a way to get your needs met. Your social needs, your health needs both physical and mental, fun needs, giving back to society needs, whatever you might have :slight_smile:

#14

The first accident I was in I was 14,I went through the windshield if a car.i was not driving but after that I wrecked a few motorcycles,got blown up in an industrial accident.now I’m 55,so it’s been 40 years of no one understands me.my doc said I am getting chronic trumatic something like football players? I’m getting discouraged myself,but in a few weeks winter will be ending and everything will be ok,has for 40 years,you will be ok I promise.

#15

We face similar issues. I started a group on Facebook and it has done reasonably well at trying to find others who understand, have been through similar experiences. Granted, there are only so many people using computer networks with brain injuries. Some may not even have labels for the source of their problems, it can get better though. Life can improve. Sometimes, people won’t understand, or be able to help, and sometimes, if you ask for help, people can try. TBI can be isolating. You can feel very much alone when there are not others similar to you in your surroundings and daily life. I think the online communities of people with similar issues is helpful.