You words are insightful John and this is good words “‘phases’ of recovery.” Because my mind was never clear or certain, anxiety increased. This caused my mind new and more complicated problems. Also because I am unable to repress unconscious impulses I can be extremely high-strung. For some reason this always makes me intense, nothing is clear, and I will find hidden meaning and causes everywhere. So it seems to me this stage of consciousness is radical acceptance, as DavOD is saying and like you are saying.
Radical acceptance is a turning point for me. This learning to accept my unconscious impulses, even when they fuel intense involvement in my perceptions, is still a hard path. Acceptance, though, is beginning to compensate for my “ugly-duckling” feelings, which created physical and social handicaps. When I can accept I seem able to let go and release the feeling of being inadequate and defective, unimportant and undesirable. There also are those times when this mental recovery takes deep courage to accept and sometimes it is just unsettling, which makes it difficult to identify and resolve. This stage now means I accept my feelings and impulses no matter how unseemly or unflattering they are. Maybe this stage of acceptance will offer a peace, though I am not fully home with this yet, as it is taking me into accepting my powerlessness.
Powerlessness for some reason is still threatening and makes my unconscious flip into anxiety. This powerlessness creates horror for me and makes my mind obsessed with defending myself. Yet anxiety and a fearful faithlessness is no longer a way to live, because living within it makes me feel the need defend myself. Maybe, after all, this stage is the beginning of accepting my powerlessness. The horror and uncertainty is more simple and even beyond me within this acceptance.
Thank you as I truly feel you can understand what I am saying. Also thanks for your open mind and being resilient with your setbacks.